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xamaxofgod
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Name: Erwin
Birthday: 3/18/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: Going to Irish pubs, making an ass of my self in public, emailing people a hundred times, getting prank phone calls and then turning it around on them. some kind of monster
Expertise: I am an excellent eater of all things edible. I especially enjoy a good bucket of ice cream. Notice I said bucket and not bowl. that was no accident, I assure you of that.
Occupation: Military
Industry: Government
Message: message meEmail: email me
MSN: xamaxofgod
Yahoo:  XamaX_the_Butcher
Member Since:
3/24/2004
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| you can't win till you die...
There are times when my mother tells me the most heartbreaking things
anyone could ever say to me. I know she has been in a crap
realationship for years, and years and years, but she has a good heart
and it would break her heart to kick my dad to the curb. she did
it before and he was living on the street, in and out of hotel rooms,
hanging with people of Ill repute... it broke her heart to see my
dad wasting away and killing himself. she couldn't stand to see
him like that anymore and he checked himself into rehab and got
"better" she didn't want to see him living on the street/hotel rooms
again, so she took him in. now he won't leave. they were
seperated for a few years, and i wish she would get the divorce.
she will as soon as she gets the money, she is bitter, old, and
tired. I can't blame her. she doesn't think my dad ever
loved her. all he wanted was a few kids, and he saw that she
could do that for him. she tells me a lot. some people
think it is fucked up that their parents would say things like that to
their children, but it is what I know. I know I don't want to be
my parents and I never will be. that is part of the reason i
don't talk to them that much these days. They were a huge part of
my life, and some part of that is negative. I don't want that in
my life. I am tired of negative things, or things that bring me
down. i know it is all in me, but if you can't change then it is
time to chuck a few things in your life, not matter how much you think
you need them. I am not chucking my parents. I love
them... in a way, but in some ways... and this will sound
bad... they haven't been my parents in a long time. just people I
know from before. I hope they get divorced, they should have done
it years ago. instead of seeing a loving realationshio when I was
growing up i saw huge fights, mom crying, dad pissed off, and a slew of
other things we shouldn';t have had to deal with. I guess in a
way I am saying fuck you mom and dad, fuck you for being selfish and
staying together for the kids, you were to afraid of being alone to do
anything about it, and now you feel even more trapped. be strong
mom, get off drugs dad.
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| i dunno why I keep some of the old and depressing shit around. like emails. I have tons of them from all kinds of places, and when I reread some of the old ones it makes me sad... sad at how dumb I am at times, sad how I reacted, sad how I look in others eyes. I can never regains those moments and sso I should let them go try to do better next time, but what is better? if I change drastically will people still think I am pathetic? I feel sad for some people who can't feel like I feel, and shit man. they feel bad for me feeling the way I feel. It is a vicious cirlce, and perhaps other people ahve this problem, and part of my problem is I intentionally pick at things that need to be left alone. part of it is i hate the things I have done and not done in the past. I figure I'll post here more often when I have a semi serious post to post, because no one I know reads this anymore... at least I don't think they do. | | |
| it is about time... so I have not posted in this blog since Iraq. I got a new one (2) I will try to post more often, but we will see how that turns out. I doubt anyone still reads this, and for those of you who have, thank you and I am sorry to put you through that ordeal. God loves you? or something like that, and George Bush hates black people! | | |
| IT’S BEEN THE WORST DAY SINCE YESTERDAY
I guess there is not all that much going on today. I have been looking at blogs working here and there, making people turn their shit in on time. I hate them for waiting till the last minute, but I do the same thing at times, so who am I to blame them. If their shit is wrong then their shit is wrong.
Anyways it is Christmas eve… Maybe Santa will bring me a boner for Christmas? Maybe not. I am tired as hell, but I get the afternoon off tomorrow!!! WOO HOO!!! Days off come few and far between for me so I take what I can get and I am grateful when I get it… like a neglected and abused dog who gets a bone with hardly a scrap of meat on it, and he gets a pat on the head… the dog is in heaven then, he forgets the ill treatment of the weeks and months previous to that time. So I was going to go on a diet, but then I said fuck it! I will do whatever the fuck I want!!! I am thinking about switching exclusively to live journal. I just like it better for some reason. I dunno. So everyone is about to leave and I will be free to masturbate in peace. So I will take care of the few needs I have. Well anyways. Merry Fucking Christmas planet Earth, You Stay Classy!!! Or drunk… synonyms really.
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| So I got this energy see, and it is all balled up in side of me with nothing to do but stay balled up. The energy starts to cramp up and freak out. The energy doesn’t like being balled up so it begs for release. So I oblige it by going and doing some pull-ups. Why pull-ups, because they’re the easiest thing to do out here. If I had the time I would work out, and I guess I do have the time, but if I worked out here is how my schedule would go. Wake up and be to work at 7 in the morning meaning I have to get up at 6. no later than 6:15. then I get to work. I work till 11 go to lunch get back after an hour or so, and work till 6:45 p.m. Randy shows up we rehearse for 30-45 minutes, and then I walk the mile and a half to the barracks or I get a ride. There are wild dogs lurking about, so I prefer to walk with rocks in my throwing hand. Well one rock, and another rock in my off hand. These are good sized rocks too. You could kill a person if you threw it at their head, I am not trying to kill any dogs though, just scare them off. So I throw a rock at them if they get close, none have yet, but you walk long enuff often enuff and you will run into one at some point, so I prefer not to have that happen to me. Anyways I get to the barracks around 8 and then I could start my work out. I like to work out hard and long, and most people think I am a freak, maybe I am, but I like to feel the fucking burn when I go to the gym. So I stay there till the burn is felt. If it takes two and a half hours then I stay that long. Things like my biceps take forever to feel pumped so I have to work them super hard for a super long time. Anyways, by the time I am done working out on a normal night it is 9:30-10 and I am tired. I still have to take a shower. That happens and I am asleep by 11. 7 hours of sleep is really all I need, but I have other things I like to do. the focus right now is the MCIs and getting promoted. So I can’t work out till those are done two more nights at the most and those puppies are all mailed off!!! Yeah. Sorry to bore you with all this but I am trying to write more often. I have been neglecting my target audience, which is the whole of humanity, so I am trying to touch base with them… or something. So the guy who comes and cleans our port-o-potties just informs me that he is sick. He is a foreigner, and he speaks broke ass English, well correction, her may be native to this land, but he is of non English speaking decent. So it is hard to understand him at times. It is no surprise he is sick, it is cold and he is out in the cold all day and he works with human excrement. It was bound to happen at some point… poor guy. So that is it today. I have yet to go on the internet to look stuff up, so I guess I had better do that, and I have become fascinated with reading strangers blogs, so that takes a lot of my time. Okay, back to the hoi polloi, my 15 minutes are up 45 years ago… sometime/thing like that… who am i? | | |
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